Fearless
by ckhushrenada
Summary: Leaving and letting go is always the hardest thing to do. Especially when there is so much guilt involved. 1X2. Hinted at 3x4, 5xZ.
1. Chapter 1

You already know that whole bit, but i don't own GW so back off.

**Fearless**

"But I'm scared."

"Scared?" Duo gave a snorted laugh, "You?"

Heero looked at him harshly, then looked away again.

"Come on, I'm sorry." Duo tried to diffuse the tension with a smile. "I guess you could say this is kind of scary." He sighed. "But it's suppose to get better you know. Easier for them, and us, somehow."

"What's supposed to happen now? Am I just supposed to leave? Are we just supposed to leave? I can't just leave!" Expressions ran across Heero's face; worry; anxiety; distress. Duo knew he was not doing a very good job.

"Ro," he said, "It'll be okie. They'll be okie." Heero looked at him, eyes almost filled with tears. Duo looked straight ahead, eyes unfocused, remembering their life together. "Remember what you told me once, on the skiing trip."

"Something stupid probably." Heero mumbled.

"No, not something stupid." Duo bumped their shoulders together. "You said not to be afraid because millions of people all around the world ski every day and it was no big deal. That you were there and that I would be fine."

"Yea, that sounds like the stupid shit that usually comes out of my mouth."

"It's not stupid Ro. Millions of people go through this everyday and they get over it. I _am_ here with you and you _will_ be fine."

"Its not me I'm so worried about. What about the kids? Lucie and Sean need help with the grandchildren. Seriously, they keep breeding like rabbits. And Cassandra, the bitch, left Dio and he's all heart broken and … and this is just not a good time for this to happen."

"Seriously? Lucie is thirty eight and in a loving, committed relationship with a daft little bugger who loves her and will do anything she says. She'll be fine. And as for Dio, I'm glad that girl left. He needs to stop chasing after women young enough to be his _daughter_."

"See this is why I need to be there."

"Heero, they're all grown up now, you have to let them live a little and make their own mistakes. How else will they learn and become better?"

"But what if something happens? Who will protect our babies?"

"That's just it love, they're not babies anymore. Things will happen and they need to learn how to deal with them." Duo sighed, knowing that what he was about to say would upset Heero, but it needed to be said. "Everything is not always in your control love. Sometimes you just need to let go."

"Well don't I know that one!" Heero laughed bitterly.

"It was not your fault." Duo responded sternly. Heero stayed silent. The guilt had been there for years. Everyone said it was an accident. That it was no one's fault. That didn't make the situation any better. Heero was left alone to raise two kids in a big house with no husband and there was nothing anyone could say that would change that. "Do you remember the first time we went bungee jumping? It was our one year anniversary of being together and you wanted to do something exciting. Do you remember how they strapped us together before the jump? I was so scared that I actually peed myself. But you just held on to me tighter."

"God, I was so embarrassed to have known you." Heero smiled remembering the event "I figured at that moment that I would probably never end up back in the middle of Brazil bungee jumping again, or see any of those people. But I also knew that I did want to spend the rest of my life with you, so I had better damn well hold on."

"You were always the brave one, love. We both need to be brave again."

As Heero and Duo exchanged loving looks, the organ music began to play. The formal part of the service was over and it was time for those who had known the deceased to speak. The first speaker was a friend, Quatre, what had grown up with all of them. He talked about their childhood together and the adventures they shared.

"…god, it was all laughs and good times back then. I think the best time for me was when we all went to St. Lucia for the snorkeling trip. It was the first time I had ever …"

"I remember that. It was so funny!" Alex started to laugh. "Do you remember Duo?"

"How could I forget, I'm the one Quatre almost drowned when he freaked out because there were so many fish."

"Seriously you would think he would have know that snorkeling meant going in the ocean, with the fish!"

"Well the whole trip was not that bad I suppose. We did get to sit on the beach and drink beers for the whole weekend after that."

"Yea, that's because the rest of you were too chicken shit to go out with me again!" Said Heero in faux anger, smiling. "It was just a cutie little fish. Not like if they could have hurt you."

"Yea, yea, I bet you were just as scared and only putting on a show for the perfectly chiseled and tanned drive instructor."

"Look lets leave Trowa out of this. And besides he was more interested in Quatre anyway."

"Yea, that turned out well, didn't it."

"Besides, you nothing to be jealous of Trowa about since you're the one I took home. And if I remember correctly after that trip I couldn't walk straight for a week."

"Yea, that was a good trip, wasn't it?" Duo grinned with a wistful look in his eyes.

So engaged in bickering, Heero and Duo hardly noticed when the speaker changed. Zechs was quite an interesting fellow with a strong European accent. He was once their skydiving instructor who had quickly become one of their friends. Zechs, being the detailed oriented person that he was proceeded to describe every aspect of the thirty eight jumps they did together.

"…everything has to be precisely timed with these things. There is only a small window in which you have the opportunity to pull the cord for your shoot or else you will fall to the ground and go splat. It is also important to remember …"

Zechs proceeded to give a tutorial on how to skydive while his audiences mind began to wonder.

"Remember the first time with Zechs?" Sam turned his attention back to Alex.

"You say it like we did something dirty."

"Oh, shut up."

"Yea I remember. How could I not? He kept yelling at be because I was not doing something correctly, but he was yelling in bloody German! It was good though, skydiving. You really got into that one." said Heero as he continues to look on as Zechs gave a demonstration on how to fold a parachute.

"It took a little while but I had practice getting over my whole fear of heights thing. You know, all that bungee jumping and zip-lining." Heero gave a snorted laugh at the comment and looked back at his partner and smiled. "You wanna know what I liked most about the sky diving? You know how it is when you first go up, all the noise from the plane propellers. And then you know when you first jump, the noise of the air rushing past you as you fall is so loud that you can barely hear yourself think. What I liked the most is when I would pull the chute, all of that would just go away. There would just be this complete silence as you glided around up there. Where everything was just peaceful and perfect. That's what I liked the most. That peace."

"Is it like that now? Peaceful?"

"Yes."

The whole service had come to a close and the participants headed toward the cemetery.

TBC

** will be up dated soon and finished in the next chapter (its only a short two part story)**

Reviews are helpful and if you have any comments on structure of grammer i would love that!

^.^


	2. Chapter 2

GW isn't mine...You know the rest!

^.^

_"Remember the first time with Zechs?" Sam turned his attention back to Alex._

_"You say it like we did something dirty."_

_"Oh, shut up."_

_"Yea I remember. How could I not? He kept yelling at be because I was not doing something correctly, but he was yelling in bloody German! It was good though, skydiving. You really got into that one." said Heero as he continues to look on as Zechs gave a demonstration on how to fold a parachute._

_"It took a little while but I had practice getting over my whole fear of heights thing. You know, all that bungee jumping and zip-lining." Heero gave a snorted laugh at the comment and looked back at his partner and smiled. "You wanna know what I liked most about the sky diving? You know how it is when you first go up, all the noise from the plane propellers. And then you know when you first jump, the noise of the air rushing past you as you fall is so loud that you can barely hear yourself think. What I liked the most is when I would pull the chute, all of that would just go away. There would just be this complete silence as you glided around up there. Where everything was just peaceful and perfect. That's what I liked the most. That peace."_

_"Is it like that now? Peaceful?"_

_"Yes."_

_The whole service had come to a close and the participants headed toward the cemetery._

"This is kinda weird, isn't it. Watching myself get buried I mean."

"Yea, it is. I remember when you did it to me. I was completely freaked out. I know I'm suppose to be the God of Death and all but still..."

"So what exactly is it that you want?"

"You."

"Me?"

"Come with me."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because…"

"'Because' is not an answer." Duo said looking at Heero who was unsuccessfully evading his glare. The casket was being slowly lowered into the ground. They watched with the rest of the crowd in silence.

"Because you weren't there."

"What?"

"Because you weren't there, and I needed you. Because you fell and left me alone and I needed you. Because I don't want to leave them alone." Heero said while looking at their family standing at the other side of the casket. "What if they need me?"

"They may need you, that's true. But the thing is you can't do anything for them anymore. And besides, with the way you raised them they'll turn to each other for support and that'll get them through anything that comes along." Duo turned to look at Heero. "And Ro, I never left you. I've always been here waiting for you. You just couldn't see me, which is exactly what will happen if you stay here. Come with me… Let go of all the hurt and fear you have built up inside and come with me. It was an accident love. There is nothing you or I could have done to have stopped it or changed it. It was just my time to go."

"Your time to go! I'm the one who wanted to do that stupid rock climbing anyway. It should have been me. I should never have let you go first."

"I wanted to and it's okie what happened. It's no one's fault. You need to let it go."

"How, how can I? How can I just let go of something that ruined my life!"

"Because you life's over now!"

Heero looked at Duo in disbelief, eyes open wide, mouth hung loosely, speechless. It had only been four days since he had died. The implications of the event had yet to sink in. The priest said one final blessing and everyone present began reciting the rosary as dirt was piled into the hole.

"I'm dead."

"Yes."

"No, I'm… I'm dead."

"Yyyyeeees?"

"No, like I'm dead. I'm the opposite of alive."

"I'm pretty sure that's what being dead is."

"Then I've already done it. I've already left them alone."

There was a long pause. Everyone gathered filter away as the service came to a close.

"Eighty two years. You have to admit it was a pretty good run and you still don't look a day over twenty three."

"Yea. I do don't I?"

"As beautiful as the day we got married."

"I missed you, you know. The way you laugh would make everything better. The your smile would fill any room with light. The way you would kiss me, make love to me."

"I know you did." Duo wrapped his arms around Heero. "Come with me lover. The kids will be okie ya know."

"I know, but it's still hard letting go."

"Come with me."

There was another long pause in which Heero did not answer. The service was over, the body buried and the mourners gone.

"Okie."

"Really?"

"Yea. So, what now?"

"I don't know. I was waiting for you. I honestly thought you would be a bit more stubborn and need more persuasion if you know what I mean." Duo raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"Duo, seriously?" Heero smiled, "where's the white light or whatever?"

"Haven't got a clue, but there is this door that has been following me around. It's been freaking me out a little."

"What door?" Duo pointed behind him. "Ohhhh, that door."

"What?"

"Well I probably would not have chosen that colour."

"What's wrong with purple?"

"Seriously, _purple_ for a door. Don't you think it's a bit … gay?"

"But I am gay Heero."

Duo giggled as Heero inspected the door.

"Come on, let's just go in."

END?

Well that's it folks...maybe...I'm doing seven courses this semester and exams are coming up so there won't be any more updates for a while but i think i want to do more with this story...feedback please...what did you like, what did you hate...


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